Brad Hero vs 2012
by Boneyboy and Curleyblue
Summary: 1 man, in 2012, vs. Everyone!
1. One Man

Boneyboy: So, I saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and have loved that movie ever since I saw it in theatres. Best 20 bucks ever spent in 2010-2011. So, since I saw there were some fics of that up and going, I thought of doing one, but any idea sounded sorta boring. So, the best thing to do is to make a parody. Which I have so named…

**Brad Hero vs. 2012!**

Note, that none of the names of people in this fic are real, the characters in this fic are not named for real people, and any resemblance is purely coincidence. No name is real, no people are real, well, some anyway, and the setting is a real place, but it has nothing to do with me, I just searched a place at random…

Chapter 1: The "Hero" of the Story.

2012, an age where the world was sorta "supposed" to end. I guess not. The truth is, the world **could** not end, because certain events had to happen. These events, while at first seemed so unimportant, actually had the significance to the universe, that if they did not happen, we would all cease to exist. The first event had happened in late 2010, in Toronto, Canada. A 22-year old man named Scott Pilgrim fought for the girl he loved. He won, and finally lived in peace. That should have been the end of it, right? Wrong, remember I said TWO events had to happen! The second event is what brings us to this story. Who am I you ask? Boneyboy! The narrator! I will narrate some parts of the story, and provide occasional commentary. This story takes us to a place not relatively far from the first event. In the "next-door-neighbor" land of the United States of America, (I mean, come on, everything significant to the world happens in the USA right?). In the sorta great state of New Jersey. (NO, it is NOT the Jersey Shore…). In the northern side of the state, in the quiet little town of East Brunswick. Where some people are either rich, middle, poor, Jewish, Indian, Black, Asian, or White. So pretty much it's the sum of America right here. But there is a select group of individuals, or more specifically, one man, who has the superpower and fate to determine if the world turns for another day, and he doesn't even know it. His name… is Brad Hero.

In this town of East Brunswick, barely anything ever happened, nothing that could be classified as exciting, and adventurous, if "boring" was looked up in a dictionary, East Brunswick would be right there. On the semi-busy streets, in the little neighborhood of Skyscraper Central, There sat the fairly large loft, where our Hero currently resides. Inside this loft, lived its' four occupants, the first was Brad Hero.

Brad Hero

AKA: Mr. Prince

19 years old

Rating: Epic

Brad was a pretty good built man; he had brown hair, brown eyes, and taste for almost anything. He wore a "Bluth Company" shirt from "Arrested Development", blue jeans, and had his black iPod on. He lived in this apartment-like loft, with his three roommates, first was Alex Irons.

Alex Irons

AKA: Mecha-Man

18 years old

Rating: 3.14159265

Alex was also fairly built; brown eyes and hair. He was arguably one of the smartest people in town, if not the 21st Century. He wore a red polo shirt; with the logo of Stark Industries on the pocket, and grey sweat pants. He was reading today's newspaper, The Home News Tribune. The second roommate, is Dave Thorson,

Dave Thorson

AKA: Golem

21 years old

Rating: Awesome

Dave was an extremely buff guy; he had black hair, and blue eyes. He may not be smart, (He got an IQ of 90) but he has bragging rights in strength, with his strength, he has the power to knock out a rampaging bull in one punch. He wore a blue sleeveless shirt, to show off what did not look like pulsing biceps, but normal arms. He wore jean shorts, for a hot day. He was benching over 1.5 of his weight: 245 lbs. Finally, the third roommate, Murdoch Hawkins.

Murdoch Hawkins

AKA: Murdoch

21 years old

Rating: Gay as the Fourth of July

Murdoch is gay; he does not deny this fact, although sometimes when the other three get crazy, he acts more sane and straight than anyone. He was wearing his beige bathrobe, had matching beige slippers, and had black hair and hazel eyes. He was currently cooking bacon and eggs for everyone.

As Murdoch finished these foods, Alex had found a semi-interesting article, "Hey, it says here that Governor Christie isn't running for president! Thank you dear God!"

Brad took a bite out of his bacon, which was cooked almost raw, he spoke while chewing, "Well, he asks his dinner every night if he should run. It probably said no."

Murdoch, who had just sat down at the table, commented, "Isn't that guy a politician? So shouldn't he have a secret lover? Maybe… another man…"

Dave looked over to him, "Dude, you're into him?"

Murdoch grimaced, "Ew, God no! He's too fat! I think if I threw something at him, it will stop and just slowly rotate around him in orbit. He has his own gravitational pull."

Brad laughed, "Either that, or it would just be absorbed into his being!"

Everyone laughed; Dave put down his weights and grabbed his green and white varsity jacket, "OK, I gotta go, See ya!"

Alex looked up from his paper, "Wait, where're you going?"

Dave said without looking back, "Got a date with Kim."

The rest of them groaned. Kim was the incredibly hot Asian girl that Dave had been dating for a month now. It had gotten so that the last time they had sex, no one could sleep a wink, so much that they ended up staying up all night watching reruns of "The West Wing".

Brad, who knew what this might mean if they decided to do it again, decided that now was as good a time as any, to do the responsible. He whispered to Alex, "Let's follow him."

"What? Why?"

"One, I wanna see him screw up this date. Two, because I'm bored. Three, because if they decide to do it again, we'll never sleep, and end up watching some Christmas movie with Tim Allen!"

"Oh, well, that's a different story, let's go."

Brad and Alex quickly raced to the door with their black and white jackets respectively. They raced out the door and followed Dave all the way to his date.

The location was an Olive Garden Restaurant. Easily one of the nicest, yet expensive places you could think of. Although it was most famously known for it's legendary breadsticks. It was at this establishment that Dave had his date with Kim.

Brad and Alex however, had just arrived and had taken seats in an obscure location, one which to hide themselves, as well as a good view of the two "lovebirds".

At their table, sat Dave and Kim. Kim was an incredibly hot Asian, she sort of looked like Tila Tequila, she had deep black hair, and curves at almost every inch of her body. She seemed to have little to no interest in Dave. Dave, on the other hand, was a wreck, he seemed so nervous that he would jolt at the tiniest little reaction to anything.

At Brad and Alex's table, they had ordered as many breadsticks as they could possibly consume. They took care to watch Dave's moves closely, as this would be surely funny or sad, depending on the outcome.

Dave and Kim started to talk, and it sounded all mushy gushy, from words like "hunny-bunny", "sweetie pie", and "sugar-honey". Brad and Alex tried to drown out the incessant disgusting nicknaming with breadsticks, but to little avail. Just when it seemed this would just be something that was boring and probably should never have been attempted, things got a little interesting…

Kim held Dave's hand and spoke softly, "Dave, dear, I have a secret to tell you, a secret I've been meaning to tell you for a while now…"

Dave held her hand with both of his, "You can tell me anything, Kim, and you know that."

"Well… Some things have come up."

"What kind of things?"

"Things that are pretty tough to explain, but easy to understand."

"Now that, itself, seems hard to understand."

"It's sort of… job-related."

"What kind of job?"

Kim slowly reached into her back pocket, and took out a knife, a knife with a jagged edge, and a sharp curve. She smiled, "Assassination." She said sweetly as she slashed at Dave.

Dave jumped back out of his chair, and dodged it by only a hair's breadth. He could not believe what he was seeing; his girlfriend, an assassin?

She held that knife, and took out a similar one in her other hand. She shouted, "North Korea has ordered you to die, so do so."

Brad and Alex ran over to him from their table. Standing side by side with him. Alex turned his head to Dave, "Dude, I told ya she was too hot to be into you!"

Dave looked at the both of them, "You two were following me?"

Brad gave a defensive gesture, "Um…. No?"

Dave shrugged, "Whatever, let's see what we can do about crazy chick here."

Just then, at another table, a man stood up, in between the four people. He was a hipster-looking black man, when he spook he spoke with a jive like voice, "Ok, y'all, it's fighting time!"

Brad looked at him, "Who the hell are you?"

The man looked back to him, "I'm the dude who voices the commentator in Mortal Kombat! Everyone knows me!"

He faced the middle again, he then bellowed, out to the entirety of the restaurant, "OK, Battle 1! Kim Il Kill Vs. The B.A.D. Team! Ready? Fight!"

TBC

Boneyboy: Ok, This ends here, now the fight will be next chapter. Read and Review!


	2. Restaurant Rumble!

Boneyboy: I got a review during the first few days! Thank you! Now for the fight! I own nothing.

Chapter 2: Restaurant Rumble!

As the Announcer dude shouted the word to go, Kim burst forward with incredible speed. As she clenched her fist to connect the first strike, Brad took the initiative to start with a cross-kick to her face. When this happened, the announcer shouted, "REVERSAL!"

Kim got up and "Shoryuken" punched Brad up into the expensive lights that the restaurant seemed to be covered in. Brad smashed through glass, and landed on a nearby table, landing in the patron's dinners.

Alex jumped to attack with a flying kick, and Kim catches him like it's nothing, and throws him into the kitchen, where he lands in the oven where the breadsticks are made.

Dave rushes Kim, and knocks her into the waiter, and as this attack connected, the announcer shouted, "CRITICAL!"

Kim flipped back up and then roundhouse kicked Dave in the face over to the bakery near the front of the store. Little did she know, that Brad and Alex had recovered from their original injuries. Although, Brad did have pasta in his hair, and Alex smelt like 11 different herbs and spices, and had a few burns on his body.

They both clenched their fists, as the announcer then shouted, "MULTIPLAYER MODE!" Kim looked around, Dave had also gotten up, with apple pie on his face. All three of them started to attack, each with synchronized combos, as this happened, arrows began to appear in the air, like in "Dance Dance Revolution" and the announcer had taken to rating their "score" with words like, "GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GREAT! EXCELLENT!"

Kim, who after all those combos, was left battered and bruised, was not through just yet, she took out an object from her pocket; a giant shuriken. Now this shuriken was huge, about the size of an 18-wheeler truck. This. Was. Huge. The announcer announced what exactly the B.A.D. Team thought this was, "KIM LEVEL UP! NINJA:18, DEADLYNESS: 25, STEALTHYNESS: 2, BITCHINESS: 30!"

Brad stared at it in awe, "Holy Shit…"

Alex looked mortified, "We are SO fucked…"

Dave looked at the both of them, "We had better have extra continues…"

Kim swung her arm back and then tossed the giant blade like it was a Frisbee. But, curiously enough, as she did this time began to slow down, except for our heroes.

Dave looked puzzled, "Wait, why is time slowing down? Al?"

Alex knew this, "I think this is a matrix-like sequence, y'know, where we do some ridiculous stunt and somehow narrowly dodge attacks in the nick of time?"

Brad smiled, "Oh, we get some of those? Cool! We better dodge this before the sequence is over, or if the producers of this whole thing decide to kill us off!"

The three of them bent over in Michael Jackson-esque fashion, from 45 degrees, to the limbo-like dodge. Once all three of them had taken these positions, time somehow sped up to normal, as the shuriken narrowly avoided all of them, and continued on it's path of destruction, to create a giant hole in the doorway.

The boys looked at the damage, Alex had the first say in this, "Well, that seemed highly unlikely…"

They turned back to their attacker, who looked mortified, since that was a one-shot attack. She smiled a little weakly, "Heh, heh… um… oops?"

The boys had had it. The announcer then shouted the last word for this to end, "FINISH HER!"

The guys then rushed through and started to end this. Dave grabbed her and tossed her up in the air. Alex performed a 70-hit air combo to juggle her in the air. Brad then leaped up, with a last assault, he said, "So, that's a few breadsticks, and an ass-kicking, to go!" He then drop kicked her down to the floor, thus, ending this battle. The announcer finished it by announcing, "K.O! WINNER: B.A.D. TEAM!" The guys then could not believe their eyes, as Kim's body had disintegrated before them, and had become a quarter. Hey, it was the first fight, the guys are at a low level right now, so is she, so she's gotta be worth a lot less!

Brad picked up the coin, "25 cents! That's barely worth the trouble, or the breadsticks!"

Speaking of the breadsticks, Brad, Alex, and Dave had realized that they had yet to actually pay for these breadsticks, and the damages done to the restaurant. And a quarter would not be enough for it…

So when the owner of the restaurant demanded payment for all this. The guys decided the best way out was honest payment: 25 cents.

Sadly enough, the owner failed to see the humor in the story, and proceeded to kick out our 3 heroes, and ban them from ever returning.

Dave kicked the curb, "Dammit! Because of my bitchy ex, now we'll never get those breadsticks again!"

Alex calmed him down, "Don't worry bro, I managed to steal the breadstick recipe as we were lead out through the kitchen."

Brad chipped in, "Yeah, and I got more of them, as we left too. Well, let's go home, Murdoch will want to hear about this, and I wanna go and heal up."

Alex performed an injury survey, "Well, it appears that I now taste 11 different herbs and spices, and fire…"

Brad cheered him up, "But, on the plus side, you smell delicious!"

Dave grabbed the both of them, and proceeded to drag them, in a Mr. T-like fashion, "Come on, fools! Let's get home, and tell that sucka Murdoch what happened already!"

TBC

Boneyboy: OK, this will be awesome later, so for now, here's a new chapter! Read and Review!


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